Friday, July 31, 2009

The Warriors Reminder, Erykah Badu

I am awake
My mind is free
I am Creative
I love myself
My will power is strong
I am Brave
I practice patience
I dont judge folks
I give not to receive
I dont expect I accept
I listen more than I talk
I know I'll change
I know you'll change
I'll hold on one more day
I start over when necessary
I create my own situations
I am cosmic
I dont have the answers
I desire to learn
I am the plan
I am strong
I am weak
I want to grow
I know I will
I take on responsibility
I hide myself from no one
Im on my path
Warriors walk alone
I wont let my focus change
Taking out the demons in my range...

Beautiful words.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


I have been under 200 for a few days now, and even with the trip to Montreal where I was a bit bad, I am still under 200. I will be glad to push hard at the gym and kick some more weight off in the next months. I am happy, I like my job for the mostpart....I am challenged at work and at home...I am spending time with Peggy and the boys, listening to live bands...hopefully seeing Terri Clark this weekend and Dan play at the Arnprior Music Festival next week.

Life is good...just slowly pushing out of my debt which seems to be taking forever...oh well, like gained weight, I didn't spend all that money in 1 year how can I expect to pay it off that fast? Maybe it's time to rework the budgets....

Monday, July 13, 2009

Bluesfest with Ani Difranco

Free tickets to Bluesfest was a wonderful bonus from helping out a new friend. Peggy and I helped April paint her apartment, and she gave us these tickets. We had a choice of Joe Cocker or Ani Difranco, and I think we made the right choice. Ani was fantastic! I haven't heard her music very much, but I really enjoyed myself. It was a cool night, but no chance of getting cold in that closely knit crowd.

And what a surprise...Lynsey James was only 10 feet away with her husband. I wanted to introduce her to Peggy but lost her after the concert. Hopefully next time...

I need to get some Ani Difranco CD's.....

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

So close, but so far

My first major weight loss goal was to hit 199 again. Just to be under 200 would be something that hasn't happened, probabily since highschool. Everytime I get close...and I really am close at 203, I think I panic. I don't know why, and I know that I'll feel much better and much healthier and all that stuff....but I seem to have a roadblock about 200.

I think it's becuase I have always been able to use fat as a reason...That person doesn't like me because I'm fat, or that person won't go out with me because I'm fat.

What'll my reason be now?

Friday, July 3, 2009


Just like everything else, the calm before the storm and then back to the calm....Friday comes and the world is beautiful and full of potential.
My mind is constantly full of her, my every thought lightened by an image of her. My happiest moments and my deepest grief flow from the same source. A world full of "what if's" is not an easy place to be.
Ah, but a muse none the less. I have started painting again. I need to find my freedom of expression is close, I can feel it. I have started writing again. My head and heart are becoming one again.
I have no control over the results...I have only control over the journey, and even then, not much. Down a path of crazy, falling deep into a sleep of self-satisfaction.

These are the eyes that can't see me
These are the hands that drop your trust
These are the boots that kick you 'round
This is the tongue that speaks on the inside
These are the ears that ring with hate
This is the face that'll never change
This is the fist that grinds you down
This is the voice of silence no more