I just read an obituary today, and it was a wonderful look on a person's life...I wonder if they wrote it themselves?
http://www.legacy.com/theday/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=133693637
What would my obituary say if I dies tomorrow? I want it to be more like the one on the link...for selfish reasons I guess.
I want to know that I've done most of the things I've wanted to do during my journey through this life..I want to look back and say, I have no regrets..I learned from every moment, every event is burned into my mind.
I think I need to write my obituary how it is now...and how I want it to look, and work at making it the one I want, not the one I'm settling for!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
A Funny Thing Happened to Me After I Gave Up...
I was raised with the "You can do anything gene". I didn't get that from my parents, but I got it from my grandmother. So, all my life I have been looking for the right one, the right person who would make me feel whole. (I have learned that I am a whole person, and someone else can compliment me, but never be my fulfilment!)
All through grade school, I knew something was different. I hung out with the guys at school, and a few girl friends...but there was definitely something different. I enjoyed guy things...climbing trees, exploring..occasionally, my girlfriends would corner me and do a manicure on me, but it always felt wrong.
I wondered what was wrong with me for a long time...and when I finally got it, I figured that my future was over. I had wanted to be married and have a few kids...with the little house with the white picket fence...but that was now never going to happen. For any one of you who have had a dream die, you know how awful this can be. (of course, I didn't see me married with a husband, but that didn't seem to phase me at all)
When I broke up with Nancy, I decided that I was not going to look for anyone anymore. I needed to let go of that dream, because that was never going to happen for me.
I started my twitter account in April sometime, and I thought twitter was kinda lame. I eventually got the hang of it, and started chatting with a number of women who were on a weight loss journey, like I was. When she and I started chatting, I knew there was something different about her too. I felt it, and a few days later she came out to me. We talked a lot, and eventually the conversations got more personal.
All my life, I have been able to "see" people...See their aura's, see their souls...see the good in them without ignoring their bad things...see their intentions and see why they are driven in certain areas and not others. When she finally sent me a picture of her, "seeing" her was amazing! There are very few people who's aura's shine with an intensity like hers. It was so beautiful...it made me cry.
I know the waiting is hard. I want to be with her, and I believe she wants to be with me, but like everything in life, there are complications. Different cities, different countries, and personal relationships all come into play. For now, we talk on the phone and stay in touch with Twitter. We send e-mails and pictures to keep each other involved. I need to clear up financial matters, and she needs to learn some lessons from her own personal situation.
For you all who don't know, I have been to many psychics, and most of them have told me the same thing. I have three men behind me at all times. Each is dressed in period costumes, ranging from a cowboy to a gentleman dressed in a late 1800's suit, and the third one whom I've never seen. He stays completely out of my peripheral vision.
Saturday night, I had probably the most significant dream in my life. I was thinking about how I was going to know that this is the one. I "feel" it in my soul, but my brain needs the gratification of knowing too. Then there came the dream. Each moment of the dream built on the next, everything was there for the knowing. My grandmother was there. The right place, the right moment, everything was perfect. I woke up with tears in my eyes, it was so beautiful. I wrote it all in my other blog, the one I keep just for me. I wrote every detail as I remembered it...Now I just have to wait and know when it's the right time.
All through grade school, I knew something was different. I hung out with the guys at school, and a few girl friends...but there was definitely something different. I enjoyed guy things...climbing trees, exploring..occasionally, my girlfriends would corner me and do a manicure on me, but it always felt wrong.
I wondered what was wrong with me for a long time...and when I finally got it, I figured that my future was over. I had wanted to be married and have a few kids...with the little house with the white picket fence...but that was now never going to happen. For any one of you who have had a dream die, you know how awful this can be. (of course, I didn't see me married with a husband, but that didn't seem to phase me at all)
When I broke up with Nancy, I decided that I was not going to look for anyone anymore. I needed to let go of that dream, because that was never going to happen for me.
I started my twitter account in April sometime, and I thought twitter was kinda lame. I eventually got the hang of it, and started chatting with a number of women who were on a weight loss journey, like I was. When she and I started chatting, I knew there was something different about her too. I felt it, and a few days later she came out to me. We talked a lot, and eventually the conversations got more personal.
All my life, I have been able to "see" people...See their aura's, see their souls...see the good in them without ignoring their bad things...see their intentions and see why they are driven in certain areas and not others. When she finally sent me a picture of her, "seeing" her was amazing! There are very few people who's aura's shine with an intensity like hers. It was so beautiful...it made me cry.
I know the waiting is hard. I want to be with her, and I believe she wants to be with me, but like everything in life, there are complications. Different cities, different countries, and personal relationships all come into play. For now, we talk on the phone and stay in touch with Twitter. We send e-mails and pictures to keep each other involved. I need to clear up financial matters, and she needs to learn some lessons from her own personal situation.
For you all who don't know, I have been to many psychics, and most of them have told me the same thing. I have three men behind me at all times. Each is dressed in period costumes, ranging from a cowboy to a gentleman dressed in a late 1800's suit, and the third one whom I've never seen. He stays completely out of my peripheral vision.
Saturday night, I had probably the most significant dream in my life. I was thinking about how I was going to know that this is the one. I "feel" it in my soul, but my brain needs the gratification of knowing too. Then there came the dream. Each moment of the dream built on the next, everything was there for the knowing. My grandmother was there. The right place, the right moment, everything was perfect. I woke up with tears in my eyes, it was so beautiful. I wrote it all in my other blog, the one I keep just for me. I wrote every detail as I remembered it...Now I just have to wait and know when it's the right time.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Biggest Loser Challenge
Hmmm..Posting pictures of myself has never been something I like doing. But, I'm going to suck it up and do it. To make things worse, Blogger doesn't offer the feature to lock a post...
Arm = 11 1/4
Waist = 38
Hips = 40
Thigh = 20
Calf = 13 1/2
Weight: 187
I have lost 61 lbs so far...and while I know that's huge, I don't see it in a mirror, and I don't know if I ever will.
Like most people, I am an emotional eater, and I find stress the hardest to deal with. When I'm stressed, my heart pounds and I look for an escape. I need to make exercise my release because I have been doing less healthier aversions. I have been smoking. While I am not a hardcore smoker, I can pick up a pack and then once it's gone, not smoke for another year. but I know it's not healthy and it makes a joke out of my exercise regime.
Arm = 11 1/4
Waist = 38
Hips = 40
Thigh = 20
Calf = 13 1/2
Weight: 187
I have lost 61 lbs so far...and while I know that's huge, I don't see it in a mirror, and I don't know if I ever will.
Like most people, I am an emotional eater, and I find stress the hardest to deal with. When I'm stressed, my heart pounds and I look for an escape. I need to make exercise my release because I have been doing less healthier aversions. I have been smoking. While I am not a hardcore smoker, I can pick up a pack and then once it's gone, not smoke for another year. but I know it's not healthy and it makes a joke out of my exercise regime.
So, here today...before all of you (and especially before you, my Love!) with my hand in the air, I promise to not smoke anymore...I will go for a run, or go to the gym, or cry if I have to, just to get past it and not smoke.
I am spending the day at work organising myself...I feel spread so thin that I am not focused on anything. I am completing action plans on all my deliverables. Tonight after I get home, I will focus on creating a plan for finances (work on my budget)update my workout plan, check on my C25K progress and finally get a list going of the things I need to get done this weekend.
Refocusing on my priorities will help me feel emotionally balanced, and that will translate into less stress.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
when life turns a corner
I've never been someone to look forward to things...I learned early in life that is somethings best "not done" by someone like me...it leaves me open to disapointment.
Everything that had been my goal or my salvation, didn't appear. I know what you're thinking...and it's true. I didn't work hard enough, i didn't focus and I let myself be pulled off the journey by others wants and dreams...well that is over, and the focus is on me.
I can't live someone elses life, I can't fix their issues or them...I can only work on me...and that's what I'm doing. Sometimes I lose motivation, sometimes I just can't get up and out of bed, sometimes there's no stopping me...it all depends on the day, hour or minute I'm living in.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Most People Never Really Know
It's always easier to see when things change when you look backwards in time...For me, I knew almost instantly. SHE would be a catalist in my life. The first time I talked to her, I saw it all. It's like in movies, when everything speeds up really quickly and then comes back to the right speed. The colors were strong and passionate. Mostly emerald green...but vivid and alive, like it was just freshly painted.
I knew at that moment how my life would change in the future. I saw it all. I knew because I felt it in my soul, and no one has opened up feeling like that in me.
Even as I read this for typo's I get chills. The thoughts run through my head like a locomotive, but getting them down is hard.
I knew at that moment how my life would change in the future. I saw it all. I knew because I felt it in my soul, and no one has opened up feeling like that in me.
Even as I read this for typo's I get chills. The thoughts run through my head like a locomotive, but getting them down is hard.
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