I was raised with the "You can do anything gene". I didn't get that from my parents, but I got it from my grandmother. So, all my life I have been looking for the right one, the right person who would make me feel whole. (I have learned that I am a whole person, and someone else can compliment me, but never be my fulfilment!)
All through grade school, I knew something was different. I hung out with the guys at school, and a few girl friends...but there was definitely something different. I enjoyed guy things...climbing trees, exploring..occasionally, my girlfriends would corner me and do a manicure on me, but it always felt wrong.
I wondered what was wrong with me for a long time...and when I finally got it, I figured that my future was over. I had wanted to be married and have a few kids...with the little house with the white picket fence...but that was now never going to happen. For any one of you who have had a dream die, you know how awful this can be. (of course, I didn't see me married with a husband, but that didn't seem to phase me at all)
When I broke up with Nancy, I decided that I was not going to look for anyone anymore. I needed to let go of that dream, because that was never going to happen for me.
I started my twitter account in April sometime, and I thought twitter was kinda lame. I eventually got the hang of it, and started chatting with a number of women who were on a weight loss journey, like I was. When she and I started chatting, I knew there was something different about her too. I felt it, and a few days later she came out to me. We talked a lot, and eventually the conversations got more personal.
All my life, I have been able to "see" people...See their aura's, see their souls...see the good in them without ignoring their bad things...see their intentions and see why they are driven in certain areas and not others. When she finally sent me a picture of her, "seeing" her was amazing! There are very few people who's aura's shine with an intensity like hers. It was so beautiful...it made me cry.
I know the waiting is hard. I want to be with her, and I believe she wants to be with me, but like everything in life, there are complications. Different cities, different countries, and personal relationships all come into play. For now, we talk on the phone and stay in touch with Twitter. We send e-mails and pictures to keep each other involved. I need to clear up financial matters, and she needs to learn some lessons from her own personal situation.
For you all who don't know, I have been to many psychics, and most of them have told me the same thing. I have three men behind me at all times. Each is dressed in period costumes, ranging from a cowboy to a gentleman dressed in a late 1800's suit, and the third one whom I've never seen. He stays completely out of my peripheral vision.
Saturday night, I had probably the most significant dream in my life. I was thinking about how I was going to know that this is the one. I "feel" it in my soul, but my brain needs the gratification of knowing too. Then there came the dream. Each moment of the dream built on the next, everything was there for the knowing. My grandmother was there. The right place, the right moment, everything was perfect. I woke up with tears in my eyes, it was so beautiful. I wrote it all in my other blog, the one I keep just for me. I wrote every detail as I remembered it...Now I just have to wait and know when it's the right time.