Facing the world with an open heart, waiting for the lessons, and recognising them is sometimes a hard thing to do...but today seems to be MY day. Everyone seems to be telling me their lessons today.
From the girl who delivers the meals to patients in the hospital, who was recognised at a party by a former patient. He told her he remembered her and she was amazed until he explained...how she slammed his lunch down on his table when she was having a bad day, and how that effected him.
My friend Laurie, who just turned 50 last week (and is as much my teacher in life as anyone!) who told me that she was going 49kph on her bike on the way to work today (while doing push-ups because she didn't have time to get to the gym!)
I spoke with my trainer Kelly a number of months ago, when I was thinking of leaving my 5 year relationship...after months of working out and feeling healthier. She said she kind of expected it. Not that Nancy isn't a good person, but that I've changed and I expected more for myself and out of myself. When one person has a radical changeing life experience, and that what working out can be, other things in your life become less satisfying, and decisions have to be made. Your standard for YOU goes up, and sometimes other people are just not in the right mindspace to be traveling the path with you. She did try, but it just wasn't for her. So the decision is....do I stay where I'm not happy, not supported and not feeling fulfilled just to make someone else happy, or is it my turn to be happy? It took me a long time to work my way up to that conversation. I know how much Nancy loved me, and still loves me, but I have to be happy. If I stayed, I would only end up resenting her, and then when it did end, it would end badly. I spent many nights unable to sleep, and the conversation was the focus of my mind.
That was not a great conversation...and I wouldn't wish it on anyone..either end of it. There was a lot of crying involved...some by me, but more by Nancy. I've had longer to work it out in my head. And yes, I kicked myself for not talking to her about it earlier, but I just couldn't figure out how.
I guess the morale of the story is you have to follow your own path...and who really knows what that'll be from one moment to the next?