Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Things my teacher tells me

Part of getting fit for me has always been healing the emotional side too. There are a lot of things that have happened in my past that I simply don't talk about...not to anybody.

Like the saying goes, "Everyone has a skeleton, and a closet to put it in".

I sometimes wonder if I would be a different person, if I'd have had other options...who knows?

My "Teacher" says that I chose my parents...because I had certain lessons that I needed to learn, and I knew they could teach me. That blows my mind...to think that I could choose my father as a role model for anything except the village idiot.

I have worked very hard to get to where I am today. I was a very angry teenager, and I felt cheated by life and circumstance. That easily started me down a road to distruction...self-distruction no less. I had no hope, no future, and I used to tell my mom that I planned on being dead before 26. I think I may have come close on a few occasions.

I don't know what happened to turn things around...It's almost like my soul had a "walk-through"...(one soul decided it wanted to go, and another one took over)

I think that there is no way to loose weight without dealing with the "why" factor. I know myself...I know that I can eat for any emotion...pick one.

So, now I look at food and think many things....

why am I craving this?

What is pushing me?

Do I really need this...or am I trying to fill a whole in my soul?

I've tasted that before, why do I need to have it again?

Eating is a quick and available way to modify how I feel, and therefore to deal with my emotions....but it's true that nothing will ever taste as good as thin feels...(or will feel...I'm not there yet!)

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